![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
igiko posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
logtitle. Contrary
canon. Tales of Legendia
summary. Walter, Shirley, and Vatheon.
notes. Wrote this on 2013-03-30.
These days, he wonders.
It's a strange experience, given that he's never had the cause for such concern in the past. It's merely been a year since he arrived, and while the trials and tribulations of Vatheon are nothing next to those back in Melfes, he still wonders.
He's spent more time here with the Merines than back home. But little has changed, if not for the worse.
Walter, I want you take a break. That's an order.
It should have been easy to come back after the forced break, but he finds that he's never been able to fully recover. And with their continuous disagreements, he's far from optimistic about the state of their relationship—the kind of relationship that should be shared by charge and guard, except the Merines is so adamant about pursuing another that he doesn't know what to do. All he knows is that he can't do as she asks, and the regret—the looming failure—haunts him.
Just once, he wants to do the right thing without messing it up. Without something to ruin it for him. Without anything, everything.
What is the right thing?
His duty is to protect the Merines with his heart, mind, soul, and body. But while his body and soul have rotted away and his mind given itself to the task, his heart weighs down on him. The Merines, though safe, doesn't ever seem so pleased, much less with him. Too overprotective, she had said.
It's those words that tear at his lifelong dreams, the hopes he's nurtured of becoming a hero for his people—a hero they desperately need, a position he was destined to fulfill by virtue of his role. He would have protected the Merines, guided her to her rightful path, perished for her, and—
It should have been his fate. She should have become one with Nerifes, gone with Nerifes, and he should have forfeited his life in the process for her sake. Yet he forfeited it the wrong way entirely, and he finds no solace in the afterlife with all he's heard about the direction of the future. No matter what, he can't bring himself to trust the Orerines that have tortured his kind for so long, for so many grueling years that they never once deserved in their peaceful life.
Ferines are the picture of peace. Orerines are warmongering, two-faced, and dangerous. He can't see a future between them, and thinking about it agonizes him; it grasps at his heart and tears it apart, and the pain worsens every time the Merines tries to convince him. She claims they're kind and understanding, but all he can think of are their lies and deceit.
He thinks of Fenimore and clenches his fists.
The Merines is too kind, to have once been deceived so and still forgive the perpetrator—and fall in love with him.
He has nothing but reverence for the Merines, but he hates the love she bears for the wrong people. It's irrational and the reason he'd cast aside the burden of kindness years ago as a child. The Merines never had such an opportunity, raised through her formative years alongside Senel without the comfort of her people's company, trapped in some getaway to live an inglorious life that strayed her so far from her original path.
Now she bears some semblance of discomfort around her own kind, and he hates Senel all the more for it. A part of him recognizes that it's his presence that unnerves her, but he can't well do anything about it: He's her guard, and he won't shirk his duty even here. Even if she denies him the privilege, even if she casts him scornful words for punching that red-haired Orerines, even if she were to hate him for what he does—
But the Merines doesn't hate.
She only loves, and that love brews his hatred for the rest.
canon. Tales of Legendia
summary. Walter, Shirley, and Vatheon.
notes. Wrote this on 2013-03-30.
These days, he wonders.
It's a strange experience, given that he's never had the cause for such concern in the past. It's merely been a year since he arrived, and while the trials and tribulations of Vatheon are nothing next to those back in Melfes, he still wonders.
He's spent more time here with the Merines than back home. But little has changed, if not for the worse.
Walter, I want you take a break. That's an order.
It should have been easy to come back after the forced break, but he finds that he's never been able to fully recover. And with their continuous disagreements, he's far from optimistic about the state of their relationship—the kind of relationship that should be shared by charge and guard, except the Merines is so adamant about pursuing another that he doesn't know what to do. All he knows is that he can't do as she asks, and the regret—the looming failure—haunts him.
Just once, he wants to do the right thing without messing it up. Without something to ruin it for him. Without anything, everything.
What is the right thing?
His duty is to protect the Merines with his heart, mind, soul, and body. But while his body and soul have rotted away and his mind given itself to the task, his heart weighs down on him. The Merines, though safe, doesn't ever seem so pleased, much less with him. Too overprotective, she had said.
It's those words that tear at his lifelong dreams, the hopes he's nurtured of becoming a hero for his people—a hero they desperately need, a position he was destined to fulfill by virtue of his role. He would have protected the Merines, guided her to her rightful path, perished for her, and—
It should have been his fate. She should have become one with Nerifes, gone with Nerifes, and he should have forfeited his life in the process for her sake. Yet he forfeited it the wrong way entirely, and he finds no solace in the afterlife with all he's heard about the direction of the future. No matter what, he can't bring himself to trust the Orerines that have tortured his kind for so long, for so many grueling years that they never once deserved in their peaceful life.
Ferines are the picture of peace. Orerines are warmongering, two-faced, and dangerous. He can't see a future between them, and thinking about it agonizes him; it grasps at his heart and tears it apart, and the pain worsens every time the Merines tries to convince him. She claims they're kind and understanding, but all he can think of are their lies and deceit.
He thinks of Fenimore and clenches his fists.
The Merines is too kind, to have once been deceived so and still forgive the perpetrator—and fall in love with him.
He has nothing but reverence for the Merines, but he hates the love she bears for the wrong people. It's irrational and the reason he'd cast aside the burden of kindness years ago as a child. The Merines never had such an opportunity, raised through her formative years alongside Senel without the comfort of her people's company, trapped in some getaway to live an inglorious life that strayed her so far from her original path.
Now she bears some semblance of discomfort around her own kind, and he hates Senel all the more for it. A part of him recognizes that it's his presence that unnerves her, but he can't well do anything about it: He's her guard, and he won't shirk his duty even here. Even if she denies him the privilege, even if she casts him scornful words for punching that red-haired Orerines, even if she were to hate him for what he does—
But the Merines doesn't hate.
She only loves, and that love brews his hatred for the rest.