Idol@u 4

[igiko]

Ever since he was born, he's always been a little quirky. He has a weird face that his peers delighted in teasing at grade school. It didn't help that his features would become distorted from his frequent crying; that face in particular was more undesirable than any other to all genders. There's also the matter of girls, whose hands he wanted nothing more than to hold, only for them to flee at the sound of his creepy laughter. Not many boys would claim the sparrow to be their favorite animal, and even fewer would harbor an aversion to bird cages.

Speaking of animals, the tentative smile that's been playing on his lips since Cinderella's Ball commenced drops promptly at one cheerful idol's imitation of a canine.

"I'll make you tingle with the feelings of a wolf! Grrr!" she growls. "Grrrr!"

Suddenly, he feels sick to his stomach like he might puke the contents of his breakfast onto the back of the person in front of him and the shoes of everyone else nearby. His breaths come short and ragged insofar that the stranger next to him asks if he's feeling all right. Zenitsu, incapable of speech at that moment, turns around and bumps his way out to the concert house.

He runs into the men's restroom, throws himself into a stall, and retches into the toilet. Thankfully, nothing comes up. He doesn't even spit out bile.

Still, he kneels there, hunched over the toilet, for a while longer to the distant booming of the idols' performance and the crowd's cheers. Once he's ascertained that he no longer feels ill, he stands up and sits down. He brings his knees up to rest his forehead against his palms.

All of a sudden, a person he has difficulty tolerating comes to mind. To be precise, it was a time when he made the mistake of watching an interview on his phone in public during lunch break.

"What, are you in love with that girl or something?" scoffed Kaigaku. "Stop wasting my time."

He's never had the courage to talk back when Kaigaku would criticize or rebuke him. For all that, he exclaimed then, "I'm not in love with her!"

That was the truth. No matter how confused the mere sight or sound of Anastasia might make him, he knows that he isn't in love with her in the way Kaigaku suggested. He's just fond. Even if she'll never learn of his pitiful existence, he'll always be there to support her from the sidelines.

When he thinks about love, he thinks of flowers and earthy colors with a hint of pink. When he thinks about Anastasia, stars appear in his mind. Flowers are down-to-earth and something he can touch; stars, however, are brilliant yet distant. Anastasia is like the constellations that dot the night sky, illuminating the darkness and guiding the lost through the haze of loneliness with the promise of something more.

He definitely didn't tell Kaigaku any of that. He would've rather died than tell.

Now that he's recalled the memory, though, Zenitsu stares down at his knees as he wonders why he's here. Someone like Anastasia doesn't need his passive support in the background. While he's self-reflecting, is his behavior starting to imitate that of those creeps who take ownership of idols? Maybe he should just leave.

The selfish, needy part of him pleads with his conscience to at least make the money spent worthwhile by watching the segments featuring Anastasia. He wars with himself for exactly ten more seconds, then bows his head with a sigh.

This, he promises to himself, will be the last time.

He goes back to the auditorium in time for the second half of the show. As fortuitous as the timing was, he's unable to enjoy himself until the appearance of Love Laika. The mere sight of Anastasia's smile brings a small smile of his own to his face as he ignores the inexplicable pang in his chest. The joy she brings him, whether on her own or alongside Minami, overrides any pain or unease he feels.

When he leaves the venue following the final song, he does so with a surprisingly contented heart. He wanted to support Anastasia for her solo debut, and he's done just that. Now he can leave this obsession behind and carry on while she soars higher and higher until he can no longer glimpse her.

The rest is, as they might say, history.

Life goes on. He hates his role as a prefect of the Morals Committee at school and ends up cutting down hours at his part-time job for it. Because of this appointment, he has to arrive at school earlier than anyone and leave after everyone. It's so not fair! Life is unfair!

One late evening, he takes the scenic route, which isn't saying much, given the metropolitan nature of the city. But it's quiet and he doesn't have to deal with unwanted sounds. Mr. Tomioka hit him again today, no thanks to that goody two-shoes Tanjiro, putting him in a foul mood with no desire for company. Passing by a dormitory, Zenitsu starts to cross the street when he hears soft, rapid footfalls behind him.

Someone must be trying to make the crossing. He pays this person no heed, and has indeed already put the stranger out of his mind when something wraps around his hand, stopping him on the other side of the road.

He throws a look over his face, ready to chew the head off of the person who's dared to hold his hand. Wait, what?

His heart stops beating. There, just behind him with both hands coiled around his, is a smiling Anastasia.

Seeing his rapidly reddening face, her smile widens as she says, "Zenitsu!"

It's a good thing they're not standing in the middle of the road, because Zenitsu faints right then and there.